Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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