i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
