I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
