dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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