i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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