the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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