high people should be assigned attendants
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
