Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
