I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
