When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
