i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
