Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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