it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize