Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
