We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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