Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
