Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
