what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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