Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
