We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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