I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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