I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
