i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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