mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
