Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
