So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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