Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
