I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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