its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
