she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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