im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
