I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
