Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize