I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
