in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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