i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize