I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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