i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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