Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize