i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
