2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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