if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Found the puke drawer
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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