Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
