Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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