Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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