Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
