Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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