When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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