I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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