I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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