You can't motorboat a personality
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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