I just made out with a guy for $7.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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