I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
