Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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