So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think your dad took our porno
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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