there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
