You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
