I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
