what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
