I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize