Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My hand turned me down
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
