what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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