I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
