We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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