Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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