I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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