The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
