this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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