Where is the hickey?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
