Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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