And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
