good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
