Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
