I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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