i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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