he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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