so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
